Have you ever found yourself wanting more for your child than they seem to want for themselves?
Guess what? I did it more than once….
More confidence.
More motivation.
More friends, skills, passions, experiences.
So you do what loving parents do.
You sign them up for activities.
You encourage. You remind. You nudge. You push (sometimes gently… sometimes less so).
Because you see their potential and you want them to fly.
And then… they don’t want to.
They’d rather stay home.
Scroll. Game. Be in their room.
And it can feel deeply frustrating even frightening.
💭 “Don’t they understand that time is passing?”
💭 “Friends come and go — but skills and confidence stay.”
💭 “This screen time won’t come back.”
Here’s the part that’s hard to accept:
👉 Motivation can’t be transferred.
Research consistently shows that children thrive when motivation comes from within, not when it’s imposed from the outside. When kids feel pushed, even with love, their nervous system often shifts into resistance or shutdown, not growth.
Children need three things to develop healthy motivation (At least this is what I think mine need:))
Autonomy – feeling they have a choice
Competence –feeling capable, not compared
Connection – feeling understood, not judged
When we want more for them than with them, autonomy is usually the first thing to go.
So how do we talk to them about screens, time, and missed opportunities without turning it into a power struggle?
🔹 Name the feeling before the lesson
Instead of “You’re wasting your time,” try:
“I can see you need rest / escape / quiet right now.”
🔹 Plant seeds, don’t force growth
You can share your values gently:
“I’ve noticed that some friendships come and go, but learning how to connect with people really matters in the long run.”
🔹 Stay curious, not corrective
Ask:
“What do you get from being online that feels important to you?”
Curiosity keeps the door open; lectures close it.
🔹 Remember: seasons change
What looks like “doing nothing” can sometimes be recovery, regulation, or quiet identity building. Not all growth is visible.
And the hardest truth of all:
💛 Our role isn’t to make our children fly on our timeline,
but to stay close enough so they know we’re there when they’re ready.
Connection first.
Motivation follows. Here I go and release….
