I woke up this morning thinking, I need to do yoga. But I only had 20 minutes. Often, I would give up and say, Oh, I’ll do it later when I have more time… or maybe tomorrow. And guess what? Later doesn’t come.
Or sometimes, I avoid doing things because I think, It’s not going to be that good anyway. Do you ever find yourself thinking this way? If so, you’re not alone.
Perfectionism has a sneaky way of creeping into our lives, making us believe that if something isn’t done flawlessly, it isn’t worth doing at all. It tells us that if we can’t do the full workout, we might as well skip it. If we can’t cook a perfect homemade meal, we shouldn’t even try. If we don’t feel like the perfect mum, we must be failing. And this mindset, while seemingly logical, keeps us stuck.
The Social Construction of Perfection in Motherhood
Society often reinforces the idea that we must present ourselves in a certain way. If you’re a mum, you’ve likely felt the pressure to have everything together—to raise well-behaved kids, keep a clean home, maintain a career, and somehow still practice self-care.
But what is perfect?
There is no such thing.
Perfection is an illusion that holds us back from growth. Instead of aiming for perfection, what if we approached motherhood as a learning journey? What if we took things step by step and allowed ourselves to improve along the way?
Brené Brown, in her book “The Gifts of Imperfection,” emphasizes that embracing our imperfections leads to a more fulfilling and wholehearted life. She encourages us to let go of societal expectations and instead cultivate authenticity, self-compassion, and resilience. When we accept that perfection isn’t the goal, we free ourselves to take risks, make mistakes, and grow in ways we never imagined.
I used to think that if I didn’t have the best tools, the best setup, or the perfect plan, I shouldn’t bother. But I’ve learned that it’s better to start messy than to never start at all. And here’s the secret: progress happens through the imperfect steps, not in waiting for the perfect moment.
The Pressure to Be a Perfect Mum
One of the areas where perfectionism hits the hardest is parenting. The idea of being a perfect mum is an exhausting and unrealistic expectation. Social media floods us with curated images of spotless homes, well-behaved children, and mothers who somehow manage to balance work, family, and self-care flawlessly. But here’s the truth: perfection in motherhood does not exist.
The pressure to do everything right—to always be patient, to always have a home-cooked meal, to never lose our temper—creates unnecessary guilt and stress. In reality, being a good enough mum is what truly matters.
Your child doesn’t need a perfect mum. They need a present, loving, and human one. They need to see that mistakes happen, that emotions are normal, and that imperfection is part of life. By allowing ourselves to be imperfect parents, we teach our children valuable lessons about resilience, adaptability, and self-acceptance.
So if you’re feeling guilty because you didn’t cook a fancy dinner or you let your child watch an extra episode of their favorite show, take a deep breath. You are already enough. The love, care, and presence you bring to your child’s life matter far more than any illusion of perfection.
Letting Go of the “Supermum” Myth
Many of us hold ourselves to impossibly high standards, believing we must be everything for everyone. But the truth is, no one can do it all—at least not without burning out.
- You don’t have to make organic meals every night. Sometimes, takeaway is just fine.
- You don’t have to plan elaborate activities for your kids every weekend. A simple movie night can be just as special.
- You don’t have to feel guilty for taking time for yourself. A rested, happy mum is a better mum.
Instead of striving for perfection, aim for presence. Your children will remember the moments you spent with them, not whether the house was perfectly clean or if you answered every email on time.
Embracing Authenticity Over Perfection
Think about it—when you meet other mums, do you feel more connected to the ones who pretend to have it all together or the ones who admit they’re just figuring it out like everyone else?
Authenticity resonates far more than perfection ever could. People appreciate realness. It makes them feel seen and understood.
So even if you’re not an expert in meal planning, even if your house is a bit messy, even if you fumble through your child’s bedtime routine—do it anyway. The only way to grow as a mum is to show up, as you are, and learn as you go.
James Clear, in “Atomic Habits,“ discusses how small, consistent actions lead to big results over time. One of the biggest obstacles to progress is the all-or-nothing mindset that perfectionism creates. But by focusing on small, manageable steps instead of waiting for the perfect opportunity, we build momentum and create lasting change. Even if you only have five minutes for self-care, it’s better than doing nothing at all. Even if you take one deep breath before responding to your child’s tantrum, it’s a step toward patience.
A Challenge for You
The next time you find yourself thinking, If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all, pause. Instead, ask yourself: What is one small step I can take today? Maybe it’s leaving the dishes for later so you can read a book with your child, or giving yourself permission to order pizza instead of cooking. Maybe it’s just reminding yourself that you are doing your best, and that is enough.
Because, in the end, it’s better to be authentic than to be perfect. And it’s better to start imperfectly than to never start at all.
Let’s work together to shift your mindset and build a life where you feel present, fulfilled, and confident in your parenting. Schedule an appointment today and take the first step towards a more relaxed, authentic motherhood experience.
